Teen seeks forgiveness after ending pregnancy at boyfriend's urging

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and love reading your column. Not long ago I began living with my boyfriend, who is 30. When my father discovered we were together, he was angry. He warned that the man is unreliable, saying he has two children he fails to support. My father knows their mother, and she has told him the same.

I repeated my father's words to this man. He answered that the children's mother spreads stories about him neglecting them, yet he pays her every fortnight. For a time I cut off contact with him.

Then I realised my period had not come and that I was pregnant. Unsure what else to do, I returned to him. He welcomed me and pressed me to terminate the pregnancy. I went through with the abortion to keep him happy. My parents never learned I had conceived.

After that he left the mother of his children, took a new rental, and I moved in with him. I now feel as though I have taken a life. Day after day I wonder who that child might have grown into.

I intend to enrol at HEART/NSTA. My mother and I barely speak; I find it hard to trust her. The home I share with this man is cramped, yet I feel at ease there. I do not push him for more, knowing he must still support his two children. He has vowed not to impregnate me again until I am far older. He also regrets urging the abortion, because my grief shows every day.

Will God forgive me for ending that pregnancy?

P.

Dear P.,

Whether your father's assessment of this man proves accurate remains to be seen. I advise against a young woman sharing a home under such conditions, and I regard this man as highly irresponsible. Getting you pregnant was not inevitable. You are also old enough to understand that sex without protection risks pregnancy.

Your regret after the abortion does not surprise me. Many young women I have counselled later felt the same way about that choice. I am not condemning you—far from it. My aim is to stress how carefully you must live from here on.

I hope this man supports your return to school. I likewise hope you will rebuild trust with your father and work on the strained bond with your mother. Parents can be wrong, yet they remain your parents.

The Lord will forgive the wrong you have done. What is past cannot be reversed. Look ahead and treat yourself with kindness.

Pastor