Twice-married man, 51, says second wife wants his money and house

Dear Pastor,

I am 51 and in a difficult spot. This is my second marriage. I wed for the first time at 30 and had two children from that union. After my first wife passed away, I concluded I could not manage life on my own.

I encountered my current wife at the home of friends. She had come to visit them, and a friendship formed between us. We courted for roughly a year. Those friends described her as a wonderful young woman. Before long she was coming to my place and spending the night. Relatives looked after the two children from my late wife; the youngsters came and stayed as they pleased, particularly at holiday time. I never permitted my girlfriend to remain under my roof while they were there.

She was only in her early twenties when we met. I still considered myself young and believed nothing was beyond me. In time I made her my wife — and that decision has proven the worst of my life.

Once we were married, her attitude shifted. Money became her main interest, and she insisted on going out with her circle every weekend. She also changed her hairstyle from one week to the next. Most days I prepared the meals; without that, I would have gone hungry.

Her companions planned to attend an entertainment function. I opposed her attending, yet she disregarded me and went anyway. The outfit she chose left almost nothing to the imagination. Worse still, she stayed away the entire night and could not account for where she had been, or whether she had slept. I believed she had spent the night with another man.

My children were present when we quarrelled. She abused me in their hearing and declared she needed someone else because I am a “one-minute man.” The humiliation was severe, and it convinced me I could no longer regard her as my spouse. I withdrew from her, ceased sharing a bedroom, and instructed her to get out of my home.

Picture it: a wife branding me a “one-minute man” and confessing she already has another man. I am certain she has designs on my house. She informed me she will depart only when it is convenient for her. I have no wish to land in legal trouble, yet I cannot accept a woman who enters and exits my property as she chooses.

What counsel can you offer?

A.

Dear A.,

Do not try to settle this yourself. I grasp the strain you are under. In my view you require a lawyer’s assistance.

Your wife has shown no dignity. Humiliating you before your two daughters was inexcusable, yet she has arrived at a stage where your feelings no longer matter to her. She is not shrewd either. Had affection guided her, she might have shared a calm, secure life with you. Instead she claims you lack stamina and cannot meet her physical needs.

I regret the ordeal you describe. Still, avoid reckless steps such as fitting new locks, because she remains your wife in law and retains the right to come and go. Her conduct stems from a total absence of respect for you.

Again: consult an attorney, and do it without delay.

Pastor