Young Woman Wants Marriage But Boyfriend Is Asking For More Time

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and expect to finish university next year. For some time, I have planned to settle down shortly after completing my studies.

I am involved with a 26-year-old man, and I have already told him that marriage is what I want. He is aware that I have gone on dates with other men before, but he still cannot explain why he is not prepared to marry me.

I care deeply for him. He treats me well, was raised in a respectable family, does not smoke or gamble, and he is not a regular drinker, apart from an occasional beer. He is also not a man who runs around with women, so I see him as the person I would want for a husband.

My mother became a wife at 18, and my parents still share a loving relationship. I do not believe I am pushing this man, but he has not given me a clear reason for holding back. How do I help him understand that I am ready to become his wife?

A.

Dear A.,

You may honestly believe that you are prepared for marriage and that this young man is the one you want beside you as a husband. However, he has not said he will never marry you. What he has told you is that you should continue dating other men until he feels ready.

It may be that he does not think he is grown enough to take on the responsibility of caring for a wife, even though you consider him mature. You also see yourself as ready for that step.

There is no need for this matter to become a quarrel between you. Do not try to force him into marriage. Follow his advice and go out with other men, while knowing in your own mind that you are not planning to marry them.

If you keep bringing up marriage with him, you could cause him to pull away.

Pastor