I’ve found love in church

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old girl, and I am still living at home with my parents. I did not do well in school, and I got pregnant when I was 18. I am planning to sit some CSEC subjects soon, because my goal is to be a schoolteacher. My mother has been helping me with my baby. She was very upset when I got pregnant but she did not quarrel with me for very long because she got pregnant when she was 17.

My father loves his grandson. The guy who got me pregnant does not support his child. My father told me to leave him alone. My father gives this child everything. The guy who got me pregnant did not deny being the child’s father. However, he did not come forward and act like a man should. My aunt and other relatives helped me to prepare for the birth of the child.

I got pregnant the second time I had sex with this man. I was old enough to know better but that is exactly what happened. I spoke to his mother after I got pregnant, but she has never given me anything for this child. Since I had the baby, I have been attending church and I have become very active. One of the young men at the church is interested in me. I am in love with him but I am afraid to get too close to him because I know what can happen.

My parents like him and he has been to the house. On Valentine’s Day, he bought me a lovely gold chain. I did not buy him anything and I apologised to him. However, for his birthday, which was only a month ago, I bought him six kerchiefs, and he told me he appreciated that.

He has promised to assist me in going to college. I believe that he means that. I don’t know where this relationship will go. This guy is older than me. I don’t want to get married until I have gone to college, so I told this man that we could be friends, but we should not think about getting married until the right time comes. He is 25 years old and is eagerly looking forward to being in a stable relationship.

This guy at church does not want me to talk to other guys. I have promised him that we can continue to be friends but, if he does not believe that he can wait on me, he should feel free to date other young women.

Pastor, I not going to pretend that I do not want to have sex. Sometimes my body is calling on me to act but, when the heat is on me, I go into the bathroom and have a cold shower.

P.

Dear P,

I am glad that you have caring parents. They understand the situation in which you found yourself. Instead of putting you out of their house they have been assisting you. You have a great father, and I hope that you will show him great respect. I don’t mean that you should ignore your mother in any way, because what she is doing for you, your father would not be able to do.

The young man who got you pregnant has not been of any help. Perhaps the day will come when he regrets that he ignored his child. You did mention his age, perhaps he was young and ‘giddy’ when he got you pregnant. However, by now he should have come to his senses. Forgive him.

Now, the young man you are dating is hoping to marry you. He is two years older than you. Don’t push him off but constantly remind him that you have to focus on your goal; and your goal is to become a schoolteacher. Therefore, you have to pass your exams, go to college, and do well.

I hope this guy will wait on you. You have already told him what to do if he cannot wait.

Pastor