Pastor counsels wife facing harassment from husband's former girlfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am thirty years old and consider myself a calm, easy-going person. I have been married for two years. A member of our community went to my husband with a story that I was being unfaithful. That claim was completely untrue. I later learned who started it — a woman my husband once dated.

They were together for roughly two years, but he saw qualities in her that made marriage impossible, so they parted ways. She clearly has not moved on. From what I can tell, she is determined to pull our relationship apart. On one occasion I received a phone call from someone trying to mask their voice. I saved the recording and had a close friend listen to it. My friend believed it was my husband's former girlfriend. Jealousy appears to be driving her actions. I played no part in the end of their relationship.

When I played the message for my husband, he said, "I wonder who that could be?" Yet his manner suggested he already knew it was her. I went through his phone, found her number, and rang her. I made it clear I was not responsible for their break-up and told her to take any grievance to my husband directly. She insisted she had never called me, but I have not been bothered by her since that conversation. My husband was unhappy that I contacted her. I did not steal him from her, and she has no right to target me.

E.

Dear E.,

This young woman understands what she gave up, and her aim was to create distance between you and your husband. Now that you have identified her and have already spoken with her, I urge you not to reach out again. She needs to accept what is gone.

Do all you can to nurture your marriage and to live peacefully with those around you, including the woman who tried to stir trouble. Your husband may once have supported her generously, and she may be struggling to adjust to life without him and without the financial comfort she once enjoyed. I hope she meets someone new and leaves the past behind. Your husband identified shortcomings in her character; she would do well to address those before entering another relationship.

Pastor