University student rejects pushy father-of-two she met at church crusade

A 19-year-old reader who signed herself R. wrote to Pastor about a man she does not want to get entangled with.

She said she has a boyfriend who is 29 and keeps his own home. He already has two children by two separate women and is not presently involved with either of them. He told her the first pregnancy was a mistake on his side. The mother had claimed she was taking the Pill; after she conceived, she admitted that was untrue. She was two years older than him, and he did not care for her enough to keep the relationship going, though he does support the child.

He spoke more favourably of the second child’s mother as a person, yet he objects to how she dresses in public, especially short shorts worn on the street. He says he has warned her repeatedly not to show so much of her body when she goes out.

R. first drew his attention during a church crusade while she was singing with the choir. After the meeting he asked for her number. They began talking, but she dislikes the kind of work he does. Pastor, answering her letter, said he had left that occupation out of print so readers would not assume every man in that field is unsound. Many young men of fine character, he noted, work in the same line.

R. said the man keeps pressing her for sex. She asked why he is so insistent when their friendship has hardly advanced. He replied that she is so beautiful he does not want another man to take her.

She still has two years of university left and does not want to get involved with him. He has been showing up around the church, and she believes she knows his real aim. She is not chasing anyone, she told him, and she does not see herself marrying soon, so he should look elsewhere for a wife. She is not prepared to become the mother of his third child. She also warned that if he keeps calling, she will block his number.

Pastor advised that the man should not hurry her. Love, he wrote, is not something to force. In his view the suitor is acting with the restless urgency of a mating animal and must learn to treat her with respect. Turning up at church for sexual access rather than worship, Pastor said, reveals a poor motive. He urged R. to keep acting as a wise young woman.