Chris-Ann Palmer writes solo-mother guide after grief-heavy first Mother’s Day

The evening before Chris-Ann Palmer marked her first Mother’s Day, she was living a picture far removed from the calm celebration she once pictured: she was newly alone with a baby, drained by loss and doubt.

“It was as if time stood still. I forgot how to breathe, and I felt completely exhausted,” Palmer told The Gleaner.

“I remember I had one of those nights where the baby refused to sleep. It was the last thing I needed. I wasn’t in the mood or the frame of mind to handle that weight, especially when that reality stems from betrayal.”

That stretch of her life would feed a longer project, the volume Birthing a Winning Mindset: A Single Mom's Guide to Handling Shame, Guilt and Loneliness. The word “birthing” in the name nods to how labour and strain can yield both a child and a changed outlook.

Palmer works as a registered nurse. The sorrow of her mother’s death still sat with her as she entered solo parenthood, so the holiday cut deeper than before.

“My emotions were all over the place. Mother’s Day has been difficult since my mommy’s passing, but it became doubly hard. I was angry, confused, and my heart kept racing,” she said.

She turned inward for relief, using a diary and quiet thought to regain balance.

“I remember lying down, putting my phone on ‘Do Not Disturb,’ and just closing my eyes to let the tears fall,” she said. “In the evening, I pulled myself out of that funk, opened my gratitude app, and began journalling. I had to do an emotional ‘brain dump.’ I reminded myself that my son is healthy and that it will all work out in the end.”

Shame about her parenting cut especially deep.

“My guilt manifested as a feeling that I was disappointing my son. I took it really hard. I was already struggling with breastfeeding, and then this? I felt like I couldn’t get anything right.”

She said she moved forward by weighing honestly which setting would give her and her child steadier peace.

“I blamed myself for walking away and disrupting the only life he knew,” she said. “I began working through it by weighing the pros and cons. The ‘cons’ of staying were too much.”

Clinical training also informed her recovery plan. She said she reused the ADPIE nursing sequence—assessment, diagnosis, planning, implementation, and evaluation—to review her feelings and chart concrete next moves for her mental wellbeing.

“It reminded me that I can’t stay stuck in a rut and that accountability is vital,” she explained. “It taught me that even when emotions and tensions are high, there are always solutions. I made a list of what I needed to do and how to do it. That started with therapy, and I just kept going. Slow progress is still better than no progress.”

Showing herself the patience she gives patients and relatives was harder.

“That was the hardest part,” Palmer admitted. “I talked down to myself. I assumed I was being judged and told myself I wasn’t enough. I dismissed my own right to happiness, connection, and help. At one point, I even felt unworthy of being a mom.”

With practice, she said, she saw that protecting her own mind was part of raising her boy well.

“I had to learn to be kind and patient with myself so I could be the mother my son deserves,” she said.

Her outlook on raising children grows out of growing up with one parent at home. She recalled her mother as firm, warm, and deliberate, and careful not to block Palmer’s bond with her father or speak ill of him to her.

“I saw my mom being strong, calm, and caring. She never hindered my relationship with my father or spoke badly about him to me. I am so thankful for that, and it is a value I have embodied in my own parenting," Palmer said.

Watching her mother give relentlessly while running on fumes underscored why Palmer now guards her own reserves.

“She gave us everything but was so tired. A lot of her dreams remained unrealised,” she said. “I try my best to do at least one intentional thing for myself each month. We truly cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Through the book, she wants readers in parallel straits to feel recognised, bolstered, and accompanied.

“I’ve met women from all backgrounds with the same struggles, just variations of the same story. This book serves as a reminder that they are not alone," the author said.

For this Mother’s Day, especially for women whose lives swerved in ways they never expected, she centres acceptance, repair, and gentleness.

“Let reality set in. The sooner you accept ‘what is’ rather than ‘what could have been,’ the sooner you can begin to heal,” she said.

“You are not alone. Please, don’t compare your current situation to anyone else’s. Focus on your relationship with God, yourself, and your loved ones, and simply do the best you can for your babies. Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.”

Palmer’s book is available in both Kindle and paperback formats on Amazon.