Wife refuses husband's repeated push for threesome with another woman

Dear Pastor,

I am 30, married, and the mother of three. My husband and I care for each other deeply, and for a long time I trusted that his love for me was genuine. That changed when he asked me to bring one of my female friends into our bedroom so the three of us could have sex, claiming it would add excitement to our marriage.

I made it plain that such a proposal was out of the question. I would not ask any woman to join us in bed. When I asked whether he would accept another man in our bed instead, he said I would have to be out of my mind.

In January, after I asked what he wanted for his birthday, he raised the same request again. He said he wanted a young woman in our bed so we could have a threesome. I refused once more.

I spoke with a few of the women at my workplace about whether any of them had ever taken part in a threesome. Every one of them said no. When I explained what my husband was pressing me to do, my closest friend warned that the moment I agreed, I risked losing him to the woman I brought in.

Why can some men never seem content? I look after my appearance. There is no sexual position I have not shared with my husband. What else is he looking for? I am uneasy and fear he is drifting. I have told him that if he wants to leave, he may leave — but he must not bring another woman into our home.

R.

Dear R.,

Your friend was right to caution you: the day you invite another woman to have sex with you and your husband could mark the end of the marriage.

A married woman once described arranging a surprise for her husband by bringing a friend into a threesome. He had not known what she planned and was stunned. Afterwards, she said, he claimed the other woman for himself. He began seeing her outside the home and they became lovers. "Pastor, I hate the girl," she told me. When I asked why, she explained that she had expected a single encounter, yet her husband had fallen in love with her friend.

I have heard other accounts like this. Another wife said she asked a close friend to join her and her partner for a threesome, and the outcome was the same: after that night, the friend became involved with her man. On many occasions, without her knowledge, the two met and had sex.

I hope you will keep refusing and continue to tell your husband no.