Young Kingston Woman Urged To Leave Boyfriend After Side-Chick Drama

Dear Pastor,

I am facing a situation that has been bothering me. I am 18, and the man I am seeing is 20. One evening I went to his place, and we spent time watching movies until it became late.

I was already aware that he had another girlfriend. Still, he did not think she would turn up that night because she lives outside the town. When she planned to come into Kingston, she would usually tell him first, so he assured me it was safe for me to visit.

I went there, and because the hour got late, I chose to remain for the night. Before leaving home, I had told my grandmother I was going out and might not return early. After deciding to stay over, I phoned her and said she should not wait up for me.

My boyfriend bought some finger food for us. We ate, bathed together, and later enjoyed ourselves in bed.

At about 1:30 in the morning, someone tapped on his window. He looked outside and realised it was his girlfriend, so at first he refused to respond. She continued knocking with more force, and I hurried to put on clothing. However, I had washed my underwear and left it hanging in the bathroom.

After a while, my boyfriend opened the door. His girlfriend came straight inside, demanded to know who was there with him, and even checked beneath the bed. She then noticed me standing behind the door and began asking me questions.

He placed himself between us because he feared she might attack me. Then he instructed me to go. He warned his girlfriend, “If you don’t keep quiet, I am going to beat you.” She answered that he would have to kill her, because he had no right to take another woman into the house.

He picked up my bag, but he did not realise my panty was still in the bathroom. That night he accompanied me to the gate. We did not see any taxi there. When I reminded him that my underwear had been left in the bathroom, he told me not to make an issue of it.

He walked with me as far as Half-Way Tree, and from there we got a taxi to my home. He also said that if his girlfriend made a scene and the landlord served him notice, he would beat her. I told him he should not do anything like that.

The next day, he told me he had lied to her about me. According to him, he said I was not his girlfriend but a cousin who had come to Kingston and was staying with him. He said he managed to make her believe his story. She wanted to know why he had not explained that when she first saw me.

I am still involved with him, and I do not plan to end it. To me, he is a good man. He says he has warned his girlfriend not to come to his home unless she tells him first.

I have gone back to his house since then. If that girl comes again and finds me there, I plan to act as though I am his cousin. I really love him. He does not want to leave me, and I do not want to walk away from him.

F

Dear F,

Are you serious about remaining with this man? Have you considered that he may be treating you as the woman on the side? That appears to be the case, since the girlfriend he treats as his main partner lives out of town, while he keeps you available.

At your age, do you truly want to accept that role in a man’s life? You are only 18, and you should be thinking about a better future for yourself.

My advice is that you look for work and return to school. Break off this relationship. Make stronger plans for your life, take the guidance seriously, and move forward.

Pastor