Young woman seeks guidance after unprotected bondage encounter with older boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am asking for your guidance about a relationship I have been in for six months. I am 20, and the man I am seeing is 33. We have gone out together to several functions, and he seems pleased to have me beside him in public. I care about him, and he was the reason I left the boyfriend I had before.

When I spoke to my father about this man, he reminded me that this was not the first man I had said I loved. He told me he hoped I was not giving my body to men and warned me to be sensible so no one would use me. Even though I am young, my father has taken me to many places. He is well known and travels often. I do not want anyone to think I am promiscuous, because that is not who I am.

One evening my boyfriend asked me to accompany him somewhere. The event ended earlier than expected, so he suggested that we spend some time at his home. While we were there, we had a few drinks. I knew what was happening around me, but I also felt very attractive and excited.

He removed his clothes and stood naked in front of me. Afterwards, he took off mine too. He tied my hands and began touching me in a romantic way, and one thing led to another. I was moving about on the bed when he opened my legs and fastened them to the lower part of the bed. By then, I had no clothes on at all. He put on quiet music and secured the doors.

I wanted to touch him as well, but I was unable to. He told me he was placing me in bondage, and that was exactly how it felt, because the only part of me I could really move was my waist. Apart from that, I could not help myself. When I asked why he had restrained me, he said again that he wanted me in bondage.

He had sex with me in different ways. I enjoyed being with him, and after he ejaculated inside me, he released one of my hands and one of my feet. Then he went to sleep, and I fell asleep too. I heard my phone ringing, but I could not answer it.

We slept for roughly two hours. Later, I realised that my mother had been calling to see if I was all right. During sex, my boyfriend did not wear any protection, and I brought that to his attention. He gave me money to purchase the morning-after pill, and I bought it. Although I took the tablets, I worried until my period arrived.

I told him that the next time I visited his house, I would be the one to tie him and put him in bondage. I love this man deeply. His girlfriend is trying to win him back, but I do not intend to let her have him. I want us to marry soon because he dislikes condoms, and I am scared that he may make me pregnant.

Please advise me.

E.M.

Dear E.M.,

The man you are involved with is 33, while you are only 20. If you continue to behave without caution, he could get you pregnant and then distance himself from you as though he never knew you. A man who refuses to protect himself during sexual intercourse is not someone you should readily trust.

You said he took you away from your former boyfriend, but you did not say how that happened. Still, people often say that the way a thing comes around is the way it can go around. You should be prepared for life to bring unexpected consequences. Karma may visit you.

I am not wishing harm on you. I am urging you to use wisdom. Keep your father’s warning in mind, and do not disappoint him. I am not writing to condemn you. Be careful with alcohol and do not drink too much. I wish you well.

Pastor