Mid-20s Reader Tells Pastor of Early Affair With Classmate's Mother and Marriage to Older Wife

Dear Pastor,

I am in my mid-twenties, and I have always found myself drawn to women older than me. One of them is the mother of a schoolmate from my high school days. She regularly welcomed me into her home and always made sure there was food set aside for me. My own mother kept asking why I spent so much time at that woman's house.

Because she could play the piano, she told my mother she would teach me. She was also the first person ever to give me a tongue kiss. I was at the piano when she came up from behind, turned my head, and kissed me. I could hardly believe it, but that was not the end of it. She sat on the stool and kissed me over and over.

When I got home, my mother noticed lipstick on my lips and on my shirt collar. I did not know what to tell her. She looked at me and said, "Mind you nuh!"

That same woman was the first person I ever had sex with. We were alone when she asked whether I had ever been intimate with anyone. I said no. She then told me she wanted us to do it. I stopped going to the house, but she kept calling me. She travelled often and, whenever she went to America, she brought back lovely colognes for me.

She took my virginity. My mother later suspected we were sleeping together. One day she asked me straight out, and I denied it. We kept seeing each other for a long time, until I won a scholarship to study abroad. She cried when I was leaving.

While overseas, I got a girlfriend, but I kept comparing her with that older woman. I eventually married, and my wife is ten years older than I am. There is something sweet about an older woman that I cannot put into words. I hope you will not condemn me for speaking plainly.

R.

Dear R.,

I am not surprised that this older woman was the one who approached you and offered sex. I have written this column for many years, and many young men have told me their first sexual experience was with a parent's helper — and that these affairs often run for a very long time.

This woman saw you and loved you; she was not looking for a man her own age. People call women like her cougars. Perhaps her son knew his mother cared for you, but he could not stop her from doing what she wanted.

I hope that now you are married to a much older woman, you will be happy.

Pastor