Dear Pastor,
I am 21 and stuck in a mess that has pushed my mother to ban my girlfriend from the house and from overnight stays. With an earlier partner I could bring her home and share my room without objection. That relationship ended sexually when she became a Christian and said she no longer wanted intimacy. I accepted that, since I am not ready for church myself.
I am now with someone else, and the shame runs deep. Mum is not a believer and had no issue with visitors until this. My two sisters already live with their boyfriends, so the household is Mum and me. The rent is $70,000; I cover $50,000 and she covers $20,000. She keeps a partner who does not reside with us and often says he gives her too little money. When I asked why she stays, she replied that money is not all a woman seeks from a man — I understood her point.
One night, while we were intimate, my girlfriend grew so loud that Mum left her room and knocked on my door around 12:30 a.m. I checked who it was; she identified herself and asked what was wrong. I said nothing was, then told my girlfriend to hush and spare me the humiliation. Next morning Mum asked her whether I had been choking or beating her. She said no. Still, it happened again. This time she directed me with the F-word, voice so high that the landlady heard and warned she would serve notice because my girlfriend is too crude. We dislike the idea of moving — the rent suits us — yet I refuse to lose this relationship.
On another noisy night I stuffed a cloth in her mouth to silence her. Mum’s advice is that we use a motel when we want sex. The landlady added that in three years of letting the place she has never met this kind of conduct from other tenants. My girlfriend told Mum she cannot stop herself. She said she meant no embarrassment to either of us, but that I pleasure her very well. What do you suggest?
Y.
Dear Y.,
Your landlady has signalled eviction for you and your mother over the racket you and your girlfriend make. She insists the noise is unavoidable in bed and told your mother she must vocalise. I have to ask, young man, what exactly are you putting this woman through?
Long ago another young man described a similar night with his partner. Neither of them knew the neighbouring flats could hear. Walking out to work the next day, the other young men clapped him, joked that he had performed well, and admitted they had listened. He laughed, but felt the shame, and never brought her back to that flat.
Some women are highly vocal; a few swear during sex. Risking a cheap apartment for sex at home is a poor trade. Better meet elsewhere than forfeit a place with rent this fair. She also needs her own lodgings.
Pastor
Syndicated from Jamaica Star · originally published .