Pastor Advises 20-Year-Old After Virginity Loss on Double Date

A 20-year-old working woman sought guidance from Pastor, explaining that she still lives with her parents, who have a good relationship, and that she is their only child. She said she is open with her father about her life and described herself as proud of both parents and the sacrifices they made to build their home and raise her.

She said her mother once told her that when she first got involved with her father, he struggled badly with reading and some relatives mocked her because of it. In spite of that, her mother stayed committed, encouraged him to attend JAMAL, and sat with him to study until he was able to read and write his name properly. He later learned to drive, bought a pickup, and began hauling goods for people. The couple started living together before her mother became pregnant, and after the pregnancy her father accompanied her mother everywhere. They married after their daughter was born. She added that a landlord helped them by selling them a parcel of land without realising her father's reading was weak, while her mother handled the business side of things.

The young woman said she went to school every day and passed five subjects. She later met a man whose first concern was the amount of money she earned. Because she keeps little from her father, she told him about the question, and he said the man was wrong to ask because her income was none of his business. Her mother agreed. She said she challenged the man about why he wanted that information, and he replied that he wanted to know whether she made enough for the two of them to build a life together. Her father, she added, has always said he wants to be proud of her and hopes to walk her down the aisle on her wedding day. She ended that relationship.

She then became involved with another man who came to see her at home while her parents were out. Although they had already warned her not to invite a man they did not know into the house, she let him in. She said he told her he had admired her for a long time and did not know how he would manage without her. Her parents arrived during the visit, and her father was very upset. He told her she should not bring a man unknown to them into their house, and she said she apologised.

On another occasion the man asked her out, and she accepted. During that outing she discovered that one of his sisters had gone to school with her, and she said that from there the relationship between them became very close. She recalled that when they kissed for the first time, neither of them wanted it to end. After he eventually took her home, he asked whether she would go out with him again the following Saturday, and she said yes. She also said she did not know the car he had been driving belonged to his stepfather. According to her, she had never had sex before. On one of their dates they bought chicken, then he took her to Devon House for ice cream, and she said he later told his sister how much he loved her.

She said matters went badly on a double date. Having never been to a nightclub before, she still went when the group went out. At some point his sister and the sister's boyfriend left the pair on their own, and she noted that the sister had been to that kind of place before. As the night wore on, she told him she wanted to go home. By then, she said, she had drunk a little too much and felt tipsy. Before she fully realised how the night had shifted, she said she was alone in a room with him. She said he continued romancing her until she felt unable to stop what was happening, and they had sex.

Afterward, she said, she came back to herself and felt deep regret for letting it happen. At the same time, she admitted that now she wants him every day and no longer knows how to handle the situation. She ended her letter by asking Pastor what he thought she should do.

In his response, Pastor told her that at 20 she is old enough to have a man in her life, but he said that man should not be taking her into settings where she feels uneasy. He said that because she had never been to a nightclub, the man ought to have explained what she was getting into. Pastor also said the man gave her too much alcohol, that she lost control after drinking it, and that he understood exactly what he was doing by lowering her inhibitions. He said he understood why she regretted the encounter, warned that she could have become pregnant, and advised her to be more careful in future.