Pastor advises mother to keep children home despite biological father's overseas visit request

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old, married, and the mother of two children. Their father and I never married, but we have stayed on good terms over the years. He eventually migrated and entered into a relationship with another woman. By the time he reached out to me again, I had already settled into a relationship with someone new.

He was aware of my new partner and encouraged me to remain with him, only asking that he be permitted to see me whenever he travelled back to Jamaica. I raised the matter with my new partner, who had no issue with the arrangement. The children's father began sending money to support them, though he did not actually return to the island for another four years.

When he finally came home, I took the children with me to the airport to greet him, and they were overjoyed to see him. He arrived with plenty of clothes and shoes for them, and I was relieved that he did not travel alone — his wife accompanied him and embraced the children warmly, treating them as her own.

He wanted to carry them to the north coast for a getaway with him and his wife, but I refused, and my husband supported that decision. Although the children's father and I are still on friendly terms, my husband does not want me taking any risks. He feels that the man made his choice and should remain with his wife. I gave my husband my word that nothing inappropriate would happen between us.

I am thankful that during every outing, the children and his wife were present with us. When I asked my children whether they would prefer to leave my husband and me to live with their biological father, they said no — they did not want to leave us.

The man and his wife already share a son together and are hoping for a daughter. Since meeting the children face to face, he has been sending more financial support, but he keeps asking whether I will permit them to travel to visit them in America. I would value your view on this.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

Once these children grow into adults and stand on their own, they will be free to decide for themselves whether they wish to visit their biological father. For now, however, they live in your home, under your authority, and that is exactly where matters should rest. I am pleased that he is providing well for them. Look after yourself and continue doing your best to shield your children.

Pastor