Pastor advises young woman to back boyfriend's college dream despite aunt's warning

Dear Pastor, I am 21 and I have fallen for a young man who is 22. My feelings for him are real, but he often carries himself like a child. He simply isn't mature, and his ways feel childish to me.

Sometimes I ask him why his younger brother behaves like a real man while he still acts so immature. He tells me he is just having a good time and cannot grasp why I label him childish. When I try to talk through serious matters with him, he tells me I take life too seriously, then laughs the conversation off and walks away.

When I raise the same issues with his brother, the brother actually offers practical suggestions about what I should try. I told my boyfriend straight that I am fed up and might switch to his brother because the conversation flows better. He answered that it would not bother him, since plenty of other girls are crazy about him.

One thing I must give him credit for is that he is never mean to me. He hands me money almost every week. My first boyfriend was nothing like that. I had to beg for every dollar and account for what I planned to spend it on. With this one, if I say I need $5,000 or $10,000, the moment his pay reaches him he brings it to me.

When it comes to intimacy, he is good at it, even at 22. The first time we slept together he finished quickly, but after that he lasts much longer. He told me he has been sexually active since he was 15. He said his brother used to bring two girls back to their parents' house, since their father was rarely home, and they would carry on in the bedroom while their mother slept. He has no sisters.

I would love to see him grow up. He does have ambition. He is currently talking about returning to school and has his eyes on CASE, and I have agreed to work and support him through college. When I shared the plan with my aunt, she warned me not to spend a cent on a man because he might walk away once he graduates. Do you believe it is wrong for me to help this man further his education? F.W.

Dear F.W., This young man will hopefully come into his maturity as the years pass. You describe him as childish, yet some of the things he does show real maturity. He recognises that you have financial needs and steps in regularly to help you with money. That makes him a good man, and I would say a very good one. So ease up on him.

You love him and he loves you. If you are in a position to help him attend college, then do so. Some men have been advised never to support a woman through her studies, and your aunt is now telling you the reverse, that you should not back a man in school because he might leave you for someone else after graduation.

Through my counselling work, I have indeed seen women walk away from men who funded their education. Those women later admitted to me that they were never truly in love with the men, but stayed because they needed the financial support. Your situation is different, because you genuinely love this young man. None of us can predict the future, but my advice is to go ahead and assist him with school. Do not follow your aunt's counsel. Pastor