Pregnant wife seeks pastor’s help after husband refuses intimacy

Dear Pastor,

I am 28 and in the sixth month of my first pregnancy. My husband is 29. He already has two children with two other women — a daughter who lives with her mother and a son who lives with his mother.

Before we met I was not a virgin, though I seldom had intercourse. Once we began seeing each other we were intimate about twice a week, and at times more often. When I became sure he would marry me, we stopped using contraception. Within a few months I was expecting.

I enjoy our physical relationship and have found it deeply satisfying. Now that I am well along in the pregnancy, however, I practically have to push him into making love. He insists he is afraid of injuring me or the baby. I still feel desirable. I am embarrassed to admit that when he turns me down I wait until he is asleep, then pleasure myself to climax.

I want him to read this letter and grasp that intimacy with me will not harm our child. Please reply soon and help us.

M.

Dear M.,

I wish you a safe delivery. Plenty of people believe expectant mothers should avoid sex, particularly past the six-month mark. They may be surprised that some women find intimacy more enjoyable while pregnant than at other times.

I once counselled a married expectant mother who grew furious when her husband kept refusing her. He eventually consented. She later said — whether accurately I cannot say — that soon afterwards she felt labour starting and he had to take her to hospital.

Many men share the worry that intercourse will injure the unborn child. That fear is misplaced. You and your husband should raise the matter with your doctor.

Another expectant wife told me she and her husband found an unusual way to satisfy each other during pregnancy. I will not share the details they gave me.

Men who dread hurting their partners can try different positions. I think that covers the main points. Assure your husband there is no reason to fear intimacy with you.

Pastor