Pastor Tells 50s Father to Settle Down With Long-Time Partner Before Sons Leave Home

Dear Pastor,

I am in my fifties and have never married, though I have three sons by two different women. I know my years ahead are limited. Two of my boys still live with me; the third lives abroad but visits Jamaica regularly and is preparing for his own wedding.

He has pressed me about when I plan to marry and how I intend to carry on living alone. I am content and no longer socialise the way I once did. A woman I am close to looks after my clothes and keeps the house in order. She launders for me and for my two sons at home, and they compensate her for that work.

I will not hide that we enjoy a strong physical relationship. Marriage has never come up between us because I see no reason for it. There is a spare room she can use whenever she chooses. The girlfriends of my sons do not stay here.

I told my overseas son that this woman, who also works for me, is in love with me. Still, I worry that tying the knot could damage what we already share. He reminded me that I am ageing and that my other sons may soon move out, so I should get my affairs straight.

I truly do not want to marry. If I ever did, it would have to be her, because she has earned it and my sons care for her deeply. What guidance can you offer?

L.

Dear L.,

I hear your concerns, but the moment has come for you to settle. Your son has spoken plainly: reflect on your path, because the clock is moving fast. Before long you will be an elderly man who will need considerable support.

If marriage were a genuine step for you, this woman who already shares your life—and benefits from your care as you do from hers—would likely accept a proposal. She knows you are a decent man and that your wandering days are behind you.

So treat her with honour. She is both your helper and your companion. Bear in mind that youth is no longer on your side; you will need someone dependable beside you.

Pastor