Woman, 38, Says Intimacy Grows Stronger as She Ages in Marriage

Dear Pastor,

I am a woman who turned 38 last month. My husband and I spent a weekend at a lovely hotel on the north coast, where our only plans were to eat, drink, rest, and be intimate. On my birthday, I told him it was the finest lovemaking I have ever experienced. He replied that I grow more skilled at it as the years pass.

Honestly, when I am free from pressure and stress, I genuinely take pleasure in sex. I even joked that we ought to mark my birthday every six months. My husband chuckled and said it sounded like I wanted to rewrite the calendar.

Several of my close friends say the same thing — that they find sex more rewarding as they grow older. I am curious about what might explain that. My husband is still the same partner he has always been, yet I can tell when he is deeply pleased. He encourages me to maintain my figure and enjoys seeing me in attractive lingerie. I always thank him for how wonderful he makes me feel in the bedroom.

Still, what brings me joy at this stage is not intimacy alone. I have a caring husband who shows affection daily and speaks to me in warm, flirtatious ways. My one sorrow is that, despite our persistent efforts, I have been unable to bear him children. He has reassured me that we can manage without them. At 38, he is not interested in adoption. For the record, my husband is 45.

K.

Dear K.,

You have likely heard the familiar saying that life starts at 40, and plenty of women insist it holds true. Many who have passed through menopause report enjoying sex more afterward. They often say that knowing pregnancy is no longer a possibility helps them unwind and fully share themselves with their partners.

You are only 38 and have not conceived, yet you and your husband have built a rich life together. I recall a missionary couple who loved each other deeply. The wife could not become pregnant, and a physician recommended major surgery as her path to conception. Her husband refused the procedure, and the two remained without children for many years.

Your husband is clearly treating you with kindness and respect, and I wish you both continued good health. You cannot wind back time or rearrange the calendar, but sensational intimacy need not wait for another hotel escape. Look after yourself and nurture your marriage.

Pastor