Father bars girlfriend’s adult son after sexual advance on 16-year-old daughter

Dear Pastor,

I share a home with a woman who is older than I am. My 16-year-old daughter lives there as well. My partner has a son in his twenties. He does not reside with us, though he sometimes stays overnight. I have not minded those visits because the dwelling has three bedrooms.

The property is my parents’ house. They are overseas, so I treat it as mine. My father has said my mother has no wish to return to Jamaica, while he prefers Jamaica to America. He does not want my mother to die before him, yet if that happens he plans to come back. In the meantime he expects me to look after the place.

My partner’s son asked my daughter for sex and she refused. He then tried to pay her. She answered that the only man from whom she has ever accepted money is her father. She reported this to me. I confronted him and he claimed it was a joke. I warned him never to make that kind of joke with my daughter.

When I raised it with his mother, she also called it a joke and said I should not treat it as a serious matter. I told her I do not want him in the house to have sex with my daughter and asked her to instruct him not to return. She grew furious, verbally abused me, and said I should expect anything to happen to my daughter because she cannot keep her legs closed every day. She added that some man, whether I approve or not, will open my daughter’s legs. I was shocked she would speak that way simply because my daughter refused her son.

Pastor, my daughter is making a genuine effort. I also have a son, but I do not know his whereabouts and he does not reach out. My daughter is the child I can truly claim, and I must shield her. After I asked that her son stay away, my partner turned abusive. I have told my daughter to keep showing respect, yet when she greets my lady, the woman barely replies.

Was I wrong to insist that her son not come back to the house?

S

Dear S.,

You were not wrong to ask his mother to keep him away from the house unless both of you are there. You are entitled to protect your daughter.

Your partner’s conduct points to poor character. She had no need to say that a man will one day open your daughter’s legs. Some remarks should never be made. If any man ever leads your daughter into that situation, it must not be her son. You are already involved with his mother, so there is no reason for him to pursue your daughter.

Pastor