Young Woman Urged to Leave Boyfriend Over Repeated Sexual Pressure

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and have never been sexually active, but my boyfriend keeps pushing me to change that. Nearly every telephone conversation turns into him asking when I will give myself to him.

He is a police officer in his 20s, and although I care deeply for him, his inability to manage his sexual urges bothers me. He admitted that he had several girlfriends before we met. I accept that I cannot alter his past, but I have made it clear that I am not prepared to have sex.

When I speak with him from my bedroom, he sometimes instructs me to touch different areas of my body and pretend that we are having intercourse. He then makes sounds suggesting that he is enjoying himself. I have repeatedly warned him to conduct himself properly. His response is that he is doing nothing wrong and desperately wants to hold me. I keep reminding him that patience is necessary.

On one occasion, he telephoned me 15 times during the night, forcing me to block his number. He also asked whether I would permit him to sleep with a female friend whom I had introduced to him by phone. I said I never expected him to suggest that I share him with someone else. I also told him that we could separate if he was unwilling to wait until I felt ready.

Should I still regard this man as my boyfriend? He urges me to masturbate, but I do not do it. After I told my friend that he wanted my approval to become involved with her, she said she already had a boyfriend and that his efforts would lead nowhere.

C.

Dear C.,

My recommendation is that you bring your association with this man to an end. You may genuinely love him, but at 19 you should not be subjected to demands for sex. Make it plain that continued pressure will result in him losing you as his girlfriend.

Pastor