Woman, 25, seeks counsel after leaving abusive partner for his former best friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and have been with a man the same age. We began sharing a home four years ago.

Before that I lived with someone else who treated me badly. He and my current partner were close. I told this friend about the mistreatment, and he confronted the other man. Their bond ended when that man insulted his mother and a fight broke out. My present partner beat him, and the other man vowed to kill me. I quit my job and hid. My partner kept me at his sister’s place so my former partner could not find me. I stayed indoors for months.

Eventually my boyfriend said the other man had seen him and asked after me. He claimed he had changed, become a Christian, and wanted a Christian woman. He also said he never thought I would end up with his best friend.

I had not planned a romance with that friend, but I needed to cover my expenses and keep my insurance from lapsing. My boyfriend stepped in fully. Even while I was away from the house, he paid the rent so I would not lose it. He has been kind to me.

The first time we were intimate I felt ashamed because he had been my ex’s closest friend. That feeling has faded. He still had a girlfriend then. When she learned we were involved she left him, but first he had her phone me while he listened. She said she held nothing against me and understood how we came together. We share a home now, and she and I get along well.

In many respects he treats me better than my former partner did. He wants a child, yet I keep asking him to use protection. I hope to enrol in college and do not want a pregnancy yet.

My mother called me worthless for taking a man she knew already had someone else. She can say what she likes. I do not know my father, and she has never been in a position to support me.

K.

Dear K.,

Plenty of people will judge you, yet those same voices cannot offer the help you needed. Your earlier partner treated you poorly. When you spoke up to his friend and that friend intervened, your ex answered with a vile remark about the friend’s mother. Few men will accept that kind of insult, least of all about their mother.

This man stepped in for you. You knew your situation and took the aid he gave. Critics may talk, but your circumstances are stronger now. I hope you reach college with his support. All the best.

Pastor